Sunday, April 13, 2008

this weekend

i had the strangest dreams last night. including me having involuntary plastic surgery to look like angelina jolie, which was unwelcomed and made me look unrecognizable. and i saw old friends who had no idea who i was, perhaps due to the new face. tidal waves, which seem to appear in every nightmare and i even said to myself (which i've been increasingly able to do): "i can feel the water on my toes, this cannot be a dream." and i challenged myself "but they're always dreams" and i seemed to disregard that and went running along the rehoboth boardwalk until i got to my dance class. (?) also i had a strange encounter with this person who's confined to a bed.
i kept waking up and falling back asleep letting myself chose the endings and relive other parts of the dreams.
i'm pretty sure you shouldn't be able to do this. but i have been for a few years now.

i've been feeling very unorganized lately. so i'm come to making this new blog and connecting to others through websites and emails. i've come back to spending more time online than i'd like. i used to be so busy. that is what kills me: i've gone from the most hectic, spontaneous, interesting time of my life thus far and i'm now in the most predictible, monotonous and reduntant phase where creativity is quickly falling to the wayside. i hate this.
i hate hate hate this.

so thursday on a whim i walked over the the house next door that's been abandoned (owned by my parents) and started cleaning out a room. moving 6 beds, boxes, planks of wood, old bi-fold doors and all sorts of junk. i scrubbed all the surfaces: walls, doors, baseboards, windows, sinks, everything. then i hauled in (by my lonesome) an old kitchen table, a large dresser, couch, posters/paintings and a few other tables. i grabbed my easel, paint, and my hoodie (no heat) and started painting and virtually haven't stopped since 430 this afternoon.
also i pulled out all my metalsmithing boxes and got a little bench ready. (and started on this amazingly cool pair of earrings that i'm going to enamel at emily's this weekend)

i will put up pictures tomorrow.
i even cut daffodils and put them in vase next to my other plants.

now i can be alone to work on whatever comes into my mind.
i've been aching to work on some weavings (yet i have no loom) so i've been weaving paper strips and painting as if i'm weaving.
perhaps this month i will be able to buy a torch and some small tools.
but i've got to save in order to move in september.

mies van der rohe's barcelona pavillion.

i just wanted myself to remember this building.


jessica said...


hey kiddo. you are by far one of the most talented, driven girls i had the pleasure of meeting during my time at kent. the transition from college to the 'real world' can be really though, only tougher when your college was art school. so hang in there. know this is something we all go through, and trust your 'mouthy' grad student when i say you're going to go far. hang in there and keep up the writing.

all my best

Jess said...

Hey Beck,
I came across your blog, and I'm feeling the same hatred of not having a million things to do. I'm excited for you and your abandoned house studio, and I hope things are going well.

Jess, as well